Updated: Feb 8, 2020
It’s been brought to my attention, by a couple guy friends, this concept I was unaware of in the dating world. The single mom. Boo! 👻 Did I scare you? It’s like a mystical creature, that an interested partner views like a zoo animal. Fascinating, intriguing, complex, rare, authentic and unattainable. I don’t think it was a coincidence that both of these friends popped up within the same week, to pass along the same message.
I was shocked actually. I feel like I’m really good at relating to others, intuiting and seeing the big picture. I missed this though. I think because I‘m so upfront and like; ‘hello, here I am!’, I figured there wouldn’t be any questions about; me, my free spirited nature, or how far down my healing process I am. As shocked as I was, these guys were just as shocked I hadn’t assumed this was the case. Hmmm sounds like we’re all making this more confusing than it needs to be 🤔 I know there are some dudes out there like, “Excuuuuuuse me. (because guys talk like that) That ain’t me girl.” I get that, but you still might relate to more than you think 👇
What I was reminded of once again, is our perception is really what makes all the difference. We can take any situation and spin it, in any direction. And although people think talk is cheap, I’ve noticed through all of this that the energy behind the words holds all the value. Not new news, but a good reminder. We’ve all experienced someone whispering sweet nothings in our ear, but if the energy behind it isn’t felt, then it tends to not hold much value. And it for sure doesn’t last long before we need a boost again. When the energy is behind it, we don’t need that constant validation, because we just get this feeling. Now needing constant validation is a whole other bag of tricks/reflections....so moving on.
A lot of the time the things we are worried about or faced with, are our own things reflecting back to us. Like one persons fears, are now showing up in a person that we either have to ebb and flow, shift, address head on or bob and weave around. This can be triggering for those of us that aren’t in a space to take it all in. Like in sessions, I always check in on the most important things to address with a client, even if I want to do 129 things to boost someone up and send them on their way. If there is too much energy work done, it blasts someone wide open and if they aren’t ready, it can be overwhelming and cause someone to shut down. Same idea. It’s just a lot for someone to grasp and know what to do with - whether they are wanting the same outcome or not.
There is always a reflection for us to address in all our experiences AND a level of divine protection at play. Protection from lessons we’ve already learned, ones we aren’t needing at that moment, or ones that are flat out not for us. It’s for our highest good, so just roll with it. We want that protection, even though at times we think we know better. We don’t.
Another example why being aware and rolling with the punches, (Kelli, I must miss our boxing dates in NY) is all we can prepare for. Taking every situation that comes our way as a learning experience. This allows us to work that muscle to be ready for.....anything. We now aren’t phased, because we realize this is how life works and we can surrender to it, because we are always as prepared as we need to be. The work we do on ourselves in between, makes the blows less extreme, like a reward, or a pat on the back. Believe me, it’s worth it.
My last note on The Single Mom….We appreciate the standard you hold yourself to before thinking you can be in our presence, or your awareness of not wanting to waste our time. Your ability to articulate and be authentic in that regard, is refreshing. I’m speaking from experience. But also.....CHILL. I’ve had experience with putting a lot of emphasis on things that didn’t turn out how I expected. So I've learned, why rush things? Why put so much pressure on stuff? Pick your important pieces and let the rest go. In the long run, we really don't have a huge say on how things play out anyways. So might as well enjoy the ride. And overthinking about something, not so fun for any of us. Sooooo how about we don’t and say we did? Also, don’t be so hard on yourselves - if you’re having this conversation with another human being, than you’re already doing better than you think. No one truly is looking for perfection. Self awareness and the desire to learn and grow - yes. A match and alignment that allows both people to flourish - yes. Being complete on our own - yes. When we are complete ourselves, life just flows and actually truly allows two people to give and receive the most from each other. Ok, that didn't come out exactly how I meant it too....moving on - again. Wanna know how to be complete on your own? Well that’s for another day, but I’ll tell you - it’s in our control. Whichever way we want that to go.
I’ll give you another hint you didn't ask for; us single moms….don’t do anything we don’t want to do. Like for reals. So don’t worry about that either. Please feel free though to bring your; respect, ability to be authentic and honesty to the table all day long (that’s not new news or just specific to us) - we ALL benefit when we operate from this place. I think you’ll see we aren’t as fragile and delicate as you think. And yes, although we are more than capable of changing lightbulbs and killing spiders - we are MORE than willing to have you bring up your experience with this. Believe me. Did you know that spiders sometimes can be hiding behind lightbulbs, when you go to change them? What is this life?! Gross. I could have gone a lifetime without that first hand knowledge.
Oh, and yes - I get it, there is more to my specific story than just being a single mom. So I’m like a blow your head off with info, dating unicorn. But we all know, this isn't about me. I'm just along for the ride, to pass on what I come up with along the way 😉
I’ve learned a lot since my first handful of dates and I’m still learning. My story is a big part of my life, but only because what I choose to do with it. It’s not all there is. Remember that when you hold space for someone to tell you a little story. Do just that, hold space. You might learn something to take with you. Then leave the rest. Holding onto someone else's story isn't your job. My past is how I got here, but the rest going forward and what I choose to do with it - is me. Just like the rest of us.
Now if you'll excuse me, someone is shoving a stuffed Narwhal up my nose. Literally my cue to stop what I'm doing. Works every time. Try it.