Updated: Mar 27, 2020
Relationships. It’s a heavy hitter in this thing we call life. It’s made up of both a physical and an energetic component. The relationships we have hold a lot of value. Whether that’s with another person, spouse, family member, co-worker, business, finances, ourselves….The vibration we put out is what determines the type of relationships we experience. Now in different stages of life, depending on our soul contract, timeline, path, etc. we encounter and experience all different kinds, none better or worse than others. They all have the same purpose; to push growth so it can elevate us and our frequency with each one. The one I have learned (by personal experience and being taught) that is most important though, is the relationship we have with ourselves. Everything else follows suit.
I'm gonna lay a little healer lesson on ya...
If everything is a reflection and like attracts like - quality and types of relationships we experience, are all versions of us. Like looking in a mirror. Everything is made up of light and light carries information. If everything has a frequency bouncing off of it and it's nothing more than light traveling, then what is happening around us or to us, we must be doing to ourself or we wouldn't be seeing that reflected back to us, right? Matching frequencies. This goes for how another person is treating us, how we feel money supports or doesn't support us, how our kid is being a pain in the ass (just mine?), etc... Same idea if we were standing in front of a mirror, what we do to the mirror we see reflected back to us. Not because of any sort of magic, but because it's impossible to see something in the mirror that we aren't already doing.
Everyone’s relationships are being tested right now. Those of us who aren’t in intimate relationships are still being tested, whether that’s with our relationships to our own stuff, family, kids, businesses, finances, etc. We are being thrown tests, so we can learn the lessons. Don't worry, if we miss it - it will just come back around until we do. We can't miss our own bus. This is also going to be a very shift worthy time for those that are in relationships that have possibly run their course, or ones that are ready to flourish. When we come out the other side, you better believe we are going to take note of how precious our time and energy is and how and who we spend it with. It will be very clear what is worth it and what is not. Taking this time to check in on the balance and levels of all relationships in our life and how we can elevate them, will do us a solid as life starts to open back up. It will be the difference between those ready to hit the ground running and those still trying to figure out what the F just happened.
The last couple weeks in my marriage with Bob, infidelity showed up real loud as something that had been going on. Out of the blue for me, but not for him. I had to grasp that reality overnight, that things weren’t as they seemed. There’s much more to this story of course and every relationship takes two people. I attracted that version of him - where other people got the most honest parts. That’s because I wasn’t being honest with myself. I was lying to myself and the life I was living - how I saw myself, what I wanted, how I had let that fire burn out for what made me....me. So, I got the dishonest version of him - that was on me. We could say, well it’s someone else's responsibility to show up in a certain way and with specific character, but is it? If I wasn’t showing up for myself in that way, how could I expect someone else to? I was a match to that version of him because of how I was treating myself. Our job is to take care of ourselves, so that the people that we attract and that we are a match to, are in alignment with our frequency. Kind of like walkie talkies or radios, if they aren’t on the same channel, you can’t reach them - simple as that. Whatever we’re experiencing, we’re a match to it one way or another and most likely it has to do with the levels of our 8 areas. The 8 areas and getting them in balance, is one of the many things I address in sessions that helps make some major life shifts.
Bob and I were very well matched for a lot of reasons and it all played out how it was supposed to. To be honest (since we’re throwin shit on the table), it was a pattern that started back when I was in middle school. The way I looked at myself, my inner voice, the lack of awareness and tools to ebb and flow with life and use it to my advantage. I ignored my intuition - I actually didn’t even know it existed. I never broke that pattern or saw the signs, so it followed me into my marriage with Bob and got louder and louder. That pattern ended the day Bob took his own life. It set me on a path of healing, growth and self awareness, that wouldn’t have been there otherwise. It brought me to my knees, and I had to start from the ground up. I surrendered to the out of control shit show that had become my life and gripped tight to what I could control - myself. The more work I did, the more my life shifted, for the better. The rules and expectations I had lined up until then, went out the window. They didn’t matter, it became very clear what did. That’s what difficult times can do, if we let it.
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, what we’re going through as a collective and with the relationships in our lives - is a gift. Even if the sound of your spouse breathing makes you lose your shit or your kids 78th lap around you while demanding snacks, is sending you into orbit. As healers, a lot of us have gone through some stuff that bumped us onto this path. A spiritual awakening, if you will. Almost like we get the experience so we can earn the right to help others. We have accumulated the real life tools and ability to articulate it, with what we have gone through. Well, welcome to the club.
Use tough stuff to your advantage - or else what is the point? And it also helps confirm it doesn’t get repeated. We are being given an opportunity to ebb and flow and figure out what’s in our highest good, so we can shift and let go of what is not. Let’s start with ourselves. Let’s do the work. Sit in the quiet that is SO uncomfortable for some us. Pay attention to the things you see around you. The judgments, experiences, people… A lot of us healers joke that the further we go into our teachings we become more and more hermit like. There are still some of us that love being social - but when the hermit life calls, especially when it’s with big reflections…we welcome it. We know what's on the other side and it's always for the better.
A life I felt was impossible to live alone, now I like it. Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy company or welcome that in a partner down the road, but to thrive alone - it’s a game changer. And by alone, I mean with your thoughts, experiences, situations, shit (aka stuff). It comes with a power, control and strength that is priceless and what got you there, you will look back and be grateful for.
If I had to give a quick checklist - it would go like this:
Slow your breathing - or start breathing again - like for real, take some deep breaths.
Ground yourself - like rooting into the ground energetically - we’re all already figuratively grounded at the moment.
Become hyper aware - what are you noticing, feeling, hearing, judging, seeing, etc?
Acknowledge the emotions that are coming up THEN trace out the emotion and what it’s really about - most likely it’s not what you are attaching it to.
Journal. Get it out of your body - no matter what it is. Burn the pages if you want (like in a sink), tear them up, soak them in water - whatever you want.
Trust your intuition. When you quiet the rest, you will see you are being led to the best answer that suits you.
Focus on the way you talk to yourself - we think that inner critic keeps us from slacking - it actually creates more opportunities to.
Put yourself first. It’s not selfish, it’s actually the least selfish thing you can do. By taking care of yourself BEFORE helping others, allows you to be that much more useful, strong and impactful. Bonus point: communicate your process to those around you - at least the ones you consider your people
Lastly, (for now) what you want to see from others, whether you know them or not - start treating yourself that way. You might have to get creative, but I’ll tell ya - this shift is NOT EASY, but it’s so very worth it.
The most difficult thing I went through, I now consider myself lucky because of where it’s gotten me. Looking back, I was not me. At least not the person I was put here to be. In that moment I wouldn’t have acknowledged that. I thought I was happy. Apply that where it relates in your life and with all this uncertainty and control and lack thereof. And let me tell ya another thing - being hard on ourselves….ditch it. Those days are behind us - it helps no one. IF I told you being hard on yourself, creates hard situations in your life, it makes it hard for an abundance of financial security to come your way and attracts partners and relationships that are hard on you….you’d stop that in it’s tracks, wouldn’t you?
Sending out lots of love and light, you beautiful souls. You can do this - you will be better for it. Your future self will thank you ;)