Updated: Jun 16, 2019
If you would have told me a few years ago, I would be thrown into the dating world at 35, after 15 years with the same person, I would have thought you were cray. I mean, lets be real.... if you would have told me anything coming my way from this last year, I would have thought that. BUT here we are. Here I am. Dating. Excuuuuse me? The last time I 'dated' I was in college. And can you even call that dating? I don't know many people that intentionally went on 'dates' to meet people. You normally met at a party or out with a group of friends and then the dating came second. Same with high school. So I guess it's safe to say, I've never really dated before. So I'm like a toddler trying to figure out how to walk and ya know what....not my favorite. The planning. The questioning. The mind fuck. The gaaaaaames. I'm bored already. Actually the opposite of bored, but I'm bored of exhaustion and thinking so hard about just trying to have a good time and get to know someone.
We're pretty much told to ignore any intuition when it comes to dating because it's crazy to know so soon whether you are meant to date someone past a first date or not. Yet if we know it's a no from the second we meet up, we are more than willing to tell the other person that. So instead we drag things on between dates, well because life is busy and the older we get, can be complicated and more pieces to shift when planning a date and then here we are again. Two people who think they like each other enough to make the effort, but not enough to make one another a priority or willing to change our day to day routine. Therefore spacing dates few and far between, on the fast track to making sure no real traction is made. So we wait. For someone to make the next move or ghost us. Cool. Back to my point, dating is not my favorite.
If we could just be brutally honest. In a nice way of course, so maybe more so open and vulnerable, instead of hiding behind the games or what we think the other person thinks we think, or wondering based on their last text, what they're thinking or not thinking....I'm already tired. I'm going to take a nap before moving on.
All of this can get frustrating, annoying, exhausting, the list goes on and on. Pretty much the opposite of any sort of control. So circling back to some key points I've had to remind myself of during this process (as well as re-read my own blogs posts), patience and the mirror affect. These 2 things are hands down the way to make it out of this dating world alive. Go back and read those posts to get the full deets, but I'll give you the gist.
The patience part: trying to push something along quicker because 1) you feel like if someone likes you they should be moving quicker, therefore showing effort 2) missing the lessons you are being taught, hence what makes things take longer and 3) seeing the end result (having that gut feeling/intuition) and wondering why you need to be bothered with the middle stuff. Well all of this is prepping you for something down the road. Could be a different relationship, could be the one you're in, could be a job opportunity and you're learning to deal with people that aren't playing how you want, or putting fun into your life for the sole purpose of just that. Patience is something that takes constant awareness and work to see that what we're going through REALLY is trying to prep us for what's ahead. And that should get you all tingly because the end goal is most likely quite wonderful. That doesn't mean the in between is any less special, it's the journey/growth/life lessons that get you to that soul pull, soul mate, soul happiness. The universe has got some pretty amazing plans for all of us and it's a breath of fresh air if we can trust that. And just say...well, fuck it. I'll just ride the wave and see where this goes because pushing against it, does not change the outcome but does change the journey and process. And your sanity.
Now the mirror affect part: thinking the way someone acts towards you has anything to do with them....that's a negative Ghost Rider. Like I've mentioned it's a big pill to swallow to realize that how people treat you, act towards you and around you, has to do with you. Like how you are treating yourself, the balance of the 8 areas in your life or the beautifully important levels of self love and self image. Now, if we get those in check, we'll start to notice little shifts. And if we don't, could mean we didn't pin point the right reflection or we might have already learned what we were supposed to from this person and it's time to move on. That's a tricky one to figure out and it takes time, but answers become pretty clear when we combine that with intuition.
The bonus piece is mastering our emotions. When things get factual and even neutral, we are able to sift through the stuff (aka shit) and pull the lessons, gifts, reflections, etc from our experiences, without the feeling of lack or like we are missing something. For example, you have a great time on a date and really connect with someone but it fizzles. You could sit and dwell on the what ifs or the potential you thought was there OR you see the experience for what it is. A great learning opportunity that without that, would not have prepared you for the amazingness that is in store...person, place, thing, whatever.
The little seed I'll plant before I go.... You know how when you don't care or want something, you get it in droves? Well dating is the same idea. Fill all your own needs because another person should not be the completion of you but an addition. When you are looking to take resumes to fill certain spots in your life is when things get messy. The tricky part, is getting to a spot that you are so good on your own that when that person comes back around, you may no longer be interested. If you're not, it's time to move on because you've already gotten the lessons and gifts you were supposed to. Check please! If you are in fact still interested, then it's worth a shot to see what else there is for you to learn and what other gifts you might have in store by being around this person.
Now if you need me, I'll be over here trying to figure out this dating business. I'm in no rush, my toddler ass has A LOT to learn. Wish me luck.